Baking and Remembering

Late last year I learned that I really enjoy baking. For me it's a mind clearing, relaxing, moving meditation sort of thing (Zen and the Art of Baking, anyone?), similar to running. Plus, I like baking for people because I know it makes them happy and hopefully they'll enjoy what I create. I think this hobby started before Thanksgiving and by the time Christmas rolled around I had cut out recipes and made at least six different kinds of cookies for a company cookie party. I had also been making a lot of biscotti--lavender almond, double chocolate, ginger chocolate chip, pumpkin, you name it, I made it. I started the tradition of baking at least once a week and would then bring dozens of cookies into the office for my friends. The recipes changed (sometimes), but three things remain constant: I call my mom and tell her what I baked, and I always use my red plastic flour scoop and my timer, both items I received after my grandma died in 2001.

You see, among many of Grandma Kelley's lovely qualities was that liked sweets, baking and trying out new recipes. I loved nothing more than walking into her house to the wonderful smell of a freshly made apple or blueberry pie or a batch of her peanut butter cookies. She would also make a pie or a batch of cookies because she "just wanted one piece" or a few cookies and then would give the rest away to neighbors, friends or her family. My brother and I always (happily) took said baked goods off her hands. Earlier this year I made a chocolate pecan pie for a friend, but I also made it because I had a taste for it and wanted a piece. When I presented it to him he exclaimed, "WOW! This is all for me?? You HAVE to take some..." I graciously obliged. I bake because I like to make people happy and well, obviously because I like to have a cookie now and then.

I still miss my grandma now and again. I think part of the reason I get/got upset when I think of her death is because for so long I couldn't forgive myself for not being there in the hospital when she died from (fucking) cancer. I talked to her on New Year's Eve of 2001 and told her I'd see her in a few weeks. She was moved to Hospice shortly thereafter. Sadly, it was the last time I spoke to her. She died January 10th.

Using the red scoop and timer I can't help but think of my grandma. I'd like to think that somehow, in some way, she knows I'm putting the items to good use.