Surviving pt. 2

Someone once said, "Without the lows, the highs don't mean a thing."

I'm seriously trying to believe that and make that my mantra.

Learning and Surviving

"Why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up."

(Alfred to Bruce in "Batman Begins," 2005).

AIG Bonuses

Wow.

Well, I'm glad that my tax dollars are going to AIG executives' bank accounts.

$165 million in bonuses?

Really??

You couldn't think of a better use for that $170 billion dollar bailout?

emptiness

You died

and left a hole

that will never be filled.

Running On...

With the winds whipping at gusts of almost 25 mph, as they have been for the past several days...I felt I'd had it with not running. I hadn't run since last Tuesday. The weather hasn't been the most ideal and well, apparently I became a whimp. "BUT not today!!" I told myself....reminded myself....coaxed myself, prodded myself....

I got up at 5am and looked out my kitchen window at the flagpole atop a building near my apartment. The flag was flapping in the wind. I could also hear my windows rattle.

"Whatever," I said aloud as I made my coffee.

An hour passed and I was somewhat coherent from the coffee and mostly fortified with a piece of toast in my belly. So, I got dressed and mentally prepared myself.  I kept telling myself, "I can do this. Hi? You ran when the windchill was 0....you ran on T-day, on Xmas day, you ran when the snow had almost melted but there was still ice on the path (remember when you slipped, but held your balance coming up a driveway?)...you ran in the street. Remember? Now GO!"

All the time I've been running I've never had to give myself such a mental pep talk. Oh well, I guess there's a first time for everything.

When I got outside I said aloud: "Fuck. It IS cold."

Then I took off down O.P.

At first I had a nice pace....and I was breathing normally. In two, out two...in two, out two...then the wind picked up and it got harder on my lungs (Sorry lungs!). My eyes were watering, my nose was running...it was a lovely sight. With the wind gusting I decided to adjust my route. I decided to only run to Ave. J (round trip that's about 2 miles). To me, that's *nothing*. I felt so whimpy and defeated. I almost wanted to scream and cry and shake my fists at Mother Nature.

That, and my stupid iPod was starting to repeat the same 20 songs. So, basically I heard A Tribe Called Quest's "Can I Kick it three times. This added to my growing aggravation.

I was not having a good run.

All the way back home facing the wind I complained in my head. If the wind wasn't so bad the run would have been perfect and I would have gone my usual distance. I was pretty upset.

When I finally walked in my door I was almost in tears. Why was I having this reaction? Why was I freaking out?

I look forward to running almost every morning. It is not a struggle for me to get up and get outside because the sense of accomplishment is payoff enough. I truly cherish that time because I am doing something for me and me alone. It is the only time when I focus soley on myself. I challenge myself, I learn about my strengths and weaknesses, I correct errors in my stride or foot plantation or breathing, etc.

Well, today is another lesson.

I shouldn't get upset at myself, because the point is I got up and outside. I cannot beat myself up for things I cannot control, like the weather. So I didn't run as far this morning. Big deal.  I have other days to enjoy. Today was just an off day....

And in the end, that's OK.